Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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