If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
