Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I want to fling myself into the sun
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
