Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
