I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
