i just made my gag reflex go away.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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