I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize