I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm like, not good at living.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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