Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize