If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
