two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
