I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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