so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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