im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
