I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
