Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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