Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
