8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
