Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
