No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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