"it" just moved
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
