I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
