First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
