non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
