I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
