I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
