she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize