Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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