u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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