Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
