OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i have herpe
just one?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize