when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
