If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
