i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
