is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
