He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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