Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
