Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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