kristin has been a bad kristin
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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