we have pet lesbian snakes
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
