Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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