i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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