you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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