So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
