I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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