Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize