last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
