My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
