Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just made out with a guy for $7.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
