I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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