Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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