dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
