I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
