you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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