I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
