he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
