She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
