how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
