i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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