dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
