i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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