She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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