You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize