Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
