I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
