The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
