Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
