If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The air taste purple.
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