if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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