question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
