I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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