Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
