never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
