i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
