my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You made out with two different species that night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
