Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
