I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize