and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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