you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
