please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize