i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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