i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
