i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
