WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
