Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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