Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
