Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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