Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
