Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
