she looked like the before picture.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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