My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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