i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
