I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
