Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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