Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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