didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
