dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize