I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Pants are for mortals
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
