Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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