Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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