I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize