We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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