google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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