closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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