Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
