I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
