no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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