So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
