So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
