I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize