does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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