I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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