Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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