bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
