Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
